The magic was all in their sauce. If they told me it was made out of leprechauns and cocaine, I’d probably have said ‘Yeah, that makes sense.’ I continued coming back even after the time that my companion and I ate almost an entire pizza without plates (normally they give you these shortly after you order). For whatever reason, they just couldn’t find and keep competent waitstaff. But goddamn did they make some awesome pizza.

THE GOOD: THE SAUCE. Holy shit, is the sauce good. I don’t know if I’m willing to actually back this up, but I would probably eat just about anything if it was served with this sauce. They had a few really good vegetarian ‘zas, including my personal favorite, “The Popeye.” This delicious pizza featured cheese, spinach, feta and extra garlic. Even the shittiest of service couldn’t ruin this combination. That Fox NFL robot could be my waiter, but as long as it didn’t fuck up my pizza, I’d still leave a satisfied customer. I also vaguely remember them having some decent happy hour drink specials, and that’s always good.

THE BAD: The service at this place was notoriously bad; I’m fairly certain that’s why then ended up closing after a few years in Appleton. It was fairly common to have one of the waitstaff take your order and never see them again. An entirely different server (or sometimes a cook) would bring out your pizza. If you were lucky, you’d get plates and napkins and maybe a drink refill. Also, they removed “The Popeye” from the menu, leaving only one vegetarian specialty pizza (the Florentine, pictured above). Granted, you could still custom order a pie with the same toppings, but it ended up costing more that way.

TRY: Try not to crack your server in the skull with the first blunt object you can get your hands on. FUCK do they have some bad service. But seriously, their nachos are possibly the best ever, and make for a great appetizer if you’ve got a group of people. Also, probably try not to get too attached to any specific menu items. In the two or three years the Appleton location was open I think they changed their menu like 8 times or some shit.

While the Appleton location was plagued with terrible waitstaff, the magical (and possibly drug-laden) pizza kept me frequenting the place. Their website lists other Wisconsin locations in Eau Claire and Middleton, but I don’t really feel the need to go on a road trip just to find out if their service is any better. Although it almost certainly couldn’t get much worse than the shitfest that was the A-Town location.

RATING: RoboCop on a unicorn