Greenville: Pizza Mecca of Earth?

Spectators Sports Bar & Grill (W6165 Greenville Dr., Greenville, WI) is a place I’d driven by numerous times, but never thought I’d have a reason to stop by.

For one, it’s in Greenville, which one usually only happens upon when looking for discount Wasabi Peas, or when given bogus directions to the Fox River Mall. Secondly, the bar looks, from the outside at least, to be the type of place where Jager Bombs are considered “new” and unlicensed T-shirts bashing Brett Favre are routinely sold.

But fate, hunger and a tri-generational meeting of Mario (except not an alias) family males recently brought me to Spectators for the first time. There, I learned 1. Spectators is actually kind of a badass bar, 2. My grandpa is a dirty and hilarious old man, 3. Puerto Rican sluts on the rag are delicious (the shot isn’t bad either), 4. The secluded country bar’s pizza is that of wet dreams.
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To be honest, I never would have tried Nick-N-Willy’s Pizza if I didn’t have a friend who worked there. Prior to his employment there, I probably drove past the mini-mall pizza partition on Appleton’s Calumet Street some 50 times, never aware or caring enough to investigate who these “Nick” -N- (a cool way of writing and pronouncing the word “and”) “Willy” characters were.

“Some assholes, probably,” I’d speculate while en route to Kohl’s or some better pizza place. 

But while back in Appleton last week, I decided to pay a visit — my second in the past eight months — to both my buddy, and to Nick-N-Willy’s Pizza.
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1440 Oneida St.
Appleton, WI 54915
920-830-8336

http://www.wiseguysappleton.com

When I’m in Appleton, WI I mainly like to do three things. First on my list is leave. My second favorite time killer is seeing how drunk I can get before getting my ass kicked or ending up in the Appleton Police Department’s holding cell. This has provided me many years of entertainment. My other favorite thing to do is eat pizza. With gems such as Stuc’s and Frank’s (plus Cranky Pat’s just a little bit south) you really can’t go wrong. When I visited Appleton most recently my friend and Appleton local, David Joseph Kiley, got me hip to a new joint. Wiseguys Pizzeria & Pub.
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We should maybe stop stealing pics eventually.

There’s an old adage that goes something like, “Use it, or lose it.” 

That statement is not only applicable to weightlifting and the male penis, but also to one’s proximity to quality late night pizza joints in the Fox Cities. When drinking on College Avenue in Appleton, Sal’s Pizza should be used.

Located in the shadow of Anduzzi’s, and directly across from Wet — that shitty night club where Nick Barnett pushed down some lady — its location leaves something to be desired. A frame of reference for those not familiar with the Fox Valley: It’s smack dab in the Appleton equal of Milwaukee’s Water Street between Juneau and Kilborn, the Madison equivalent of wherever that bar is where that wheelchair-bound little person trolls for fresh dick, the Eau Claire version of … Eau Claire. 

But despite the shitshow surrounding Sal’s, the pizza is worth stumbling the gauntlet of pavement puke, off key street performers, and Appleton Police after last call. 
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I probably visited the Appleton branch of the Boston’s Gourmet Pizza chain more than any other pizza place for the few years that they were open. No one could ever understand it; almost all of my friends and family had different experiences with absolutely terrible customer service, yet I continued to dine there. It’s amazing what I’m willing to overlook for some tasty slices.

The magic was all in their sauce. If they told me it was made out of leprechauns and cocaine, I’d probably have said ‘Yeah, that makes sense.’ I continued coming back even after the time that my companion and I ate almost an entire pizza without plates (normally they give you these shortly after you order). For whatever reason, they just couldn’t find and keep competent waitstaff. But goddamn did they make some awesome pizza. Read more »

Most of my encyclopedic illicit drug knowledge is based not on personal experience, but through Wu-Tang and Clipse albums and The Wire. Scratch that, all of my encyclopedic illicit drug knowledge is based not on personal experience, but through Wu-Tang and Clipse albums and The Wire. However, over my increasingly less productive 23 years, I’ve readily ingested one addictive substance with the reckless abandon reserved for coke fiends: the sauce at Stuc’s in Appleton.

See, the sauce (and by extension, the pizza) at Stuc’s is like my grade-A blast of heroin, and every other pizza is a weak shit substitute that’s been stepped on with a large amount of baking soda. Frozen pizzas? Those might as well be skunkweed compared to Stuc’s. Pizza pockets? I’d get a better high from mouthwash (if I keep stretching this metaphor). Read more »

There’s a reason why there isn’t an exterior shot of Cheyenne’s on the bar’s Web site — it’s built into the bottom a fucking parking ramp. Holy shit, does this place have an undesirable location. And it’s too bad because Cheyenne’s pizza is pretty much awesome. Yet the understated Appleton sports bar goes widely without notice by both the area’s hungry and its thirsty.

To give you a better idea of what I mean, have you ever seen the movie Uncle Buck? Well, you know that bitchy daughter who, beneath her cuntish reaction to her family leaving Indianapolis, you realized was going to be totally hot eventually? (She’s older than me, so it’s cool). Well, that same girl, who – all grown up - you now squeeze off to when watching Yes, Dear on days your Internet connection is slow at 2 p.m., is Cheyenne’s pizza in this simile. The decaying parking ramp, drifters and ever-present road construction surrounding Cheyenne’s is like the mom in Uncle Buck. What a unfortunate looking woman she was. Seriously, I’d rather bang John Candy… now.

Anyway, back to Cheyenne’s…
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I believe it was famed philosopher Immanuel Kant who first said, “It takes two to make a thing go right” — and I think no better pairing in history helps correctly prove this assertion than that of Frank Pierri and Pat Earle. As I mentioned in my Cranky Pat’s Review, the friends were responsible for bringing pizza to the Fox Valley in 1955. Though the pair had a falling out that made the collapse of Rome seem civil by comparison, the edifice of the old Frank & Pat’s – the cradle of Appleton’s first Za, if you will – still stands today as Frank’s Pizza Palace.
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Sometimes the best gifts come in the most shitty-looking and florescent green packages.

Muncheez Pizza LLC perfectly exemplifies the term “hole in the wall”, not only because there are actually holes in their wall, but because it seems like a place more likely to give you scabies than a good meal. But for the Fox Cities residents that have managed to vanquish their preconceptions of  the unfortunate-looking business, there exists a unique, affordable and delicious gem in the Appleton pizza scene.
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