Though I, myself, am a Godless heathen, I feel I have a strange connection to Jewish people. I went to prom with a Jewish girl, my best friend on my college dorm floor freshman year happened to be Brew, and one of my best friends/former roommates comes from a Jewish background. 

Show me your latkes!

Moreover, I’m borderline obsessed with Stella, which is comprised entirely of Jewish comedians. I also find myself immensely attracted to Lisa Edelstein, from that lame show House. I even, sadly, own four Neil Diamond albums. All those factors paired with my prize-winning personality has resulted in me attending a Hanukkah meal or two in my time.

In honor of my Jewish friends and DoZ readers, and to gear up for another Hanukkah meal I’m to attend tonight, I thought I’d throw on my writing yamaka and schlep over to the grocery store and review Bagel Bites.
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The words to follow chronicle a tale of anticipation, a tale of disappointment, a tale of the violent expulsion of chunky ass-piss (which I’ll generously deem “shit”), and  maybe – just maybe – a tale of a man overcoming insurmountable odds. 

*** 

After a night of binge drinking, leaning on things at near impossible angles, and – as I vaguely recall – a trip to Pizza Shuttle, I awoke Saturday morning without any much pep. That is, until I stumbled upon this bit of good news and was driven into a frenzy of motivation.

“The latest to lend support to WMSE are Milwaukee MC JC Poppe and local food cart phenomenon Streetza Pizza, which will be teaming up for a fundraiser from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. Saturday at 1227 ½ N. Water St. Streetza will be hawking its Poppe-inspired Mad Flava Slice—topped with chorizo, jalapeno, bacon, olives, and extra cheese—and donating part of the proceeds to the station. You’ll also get a copy of Poppe’s new record, Sleep Therapy.”

What better kick in the ass than getting a delicious sounding slice of pizza, a CD I probably don’t want from a rapper I almost assuredly dislike, and slightly benefiting a radio station I’ve never listened to – ALL FOR JUST $5? There is no better kick in the ass. I was juiced.
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Yesterday T. Mario and I attended the first annual “Iron Pizza Competition” hosted by Moct. The details were a little hard to come by, but seeing that pizza-related events don’t come around very often, we had to check it out. Even if it was at Moct (pronounced “MOST”), a place that seemingly has nothing to offer me now that no one I know works there.

Apparently there was to be some sort of competition between nine local pizza makers: Tenuta’s, Marchese’s Olive Pit, Classic Slice, Marco’s, Steny’s, Times Square, Vinchi’s, Mama DeMarini’s, and Moct (which apparently serves food now).
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