After learning that a pizza place was to open on Milwaukee’s vastly underutilized Downer Avenue and that it was affiliated with crosstown ‘za czars Transfer, I was struck with an excitement unparalleled by any previous pizza venue’s opening I can personally remember.
The weeks that followed were agonizing — like waiting to open a potato gun-shaped Christmas present from that awesome uncle you have who works with PVC pipe at his job (potato farmer is also an applicable occupation for this analogy). But somehow, much in thanks to fantasy baseball, Internet pornography and drinking to the point of blackout, I managed to stave off an impatience-based hari kari and live to see the beautiful day that Via Downer opened for business.
Those familiar with Transfer will be glad to know that, like the sister pizzeria, Via Downer also uses a wood fire oven, prides itself on using primarily locally-grown organic ingredients, features all 23 of Transfer’s pizzas and is fucking awesome.
THE GOOD: In addition to the above, Via itself is a gorgeous, newly-renovated restaurant in a quiet and underrated neighborhood. In terms of interior, think of a larger Transfer meets Comet (minus the thousands of people waiting to be seated).
Speaking for the food, where do I begin? My pizza, the “Da Vinci” was a fluffy 12-inch diameter slice of heaven… the Muslim heaven with all the hot snatch. A blend of juicy organic tomatoes, tangy red sauce, the welcomed domination of pesto all sitting atop a warm bed of both feta and asiago cheese — sweet baby Christ, this was a pizza to which one could set his or her watch. I swear on Paul Newman’s grave that if this pizza had a vagina and low enough self esteem to let me, I’d fuck it.
THE BAD: It’s hard to take such a delectable pizza to task, but I have to say that the Da Vinci Ronnie and I had at Transfer months earlier was better. For one, it was bigger, more rigid in the center and had more tomatoes and feta per bite. I chalk some of that up to Via being scantly a fortnight in age, but being aware that it gets better left me feeling a bit disappointed.
Also, the servers, host and manager all stopped to ask me how my pizza was. Even worse, they all timed the question perfectly to when I had just taken a huge bite. I was faced with either mumbling, “hfhutu_mkdlsnn6@lx73nhg76n” with a mouthful of pizza and nodding happily or simply giving a thumbs up. I did both these things. I felt like an asshole. Besides, it should’ve been obvious I loved the fucker by how hard I was going Wolfenstein on the thing.
Lastly, Via’s beer selection is far from impressive and it is fairly expensive. Uhhh… $3.50 for a High Life. Cut-it-out!
TRY: Personally, I can only vouch for the Da Vinci, but the Thai Chicken is on my short list for one to try on my next visit. Overall, I’m sure anything they have is capable of engorging your private parts in a gender appropriate way. Just make sure to get pizza. Otherwise it’s like going to Greece to play mini golf or South Dakota to have an abortion. It just doesn’t make sense.
RATING: More like Via UPPER! (pats self on back).
