I still have trouble figuring out exactly where Milwaukee’s Historic Third Ward ends and Walker’s Point begins. I’ve deduced that I’ve probably entered Walker’s when things get just a bit shittier looking, when the crumbling brick facades of no-longer-functional factories become slightly more prevalent, when the faint sound of boxcar hobos ironically singing acapella versions of Rick Astley songs hangs delicately in the dingy metropolitan air. And there are probably signs too.

Besides that, landmarks like the continually steaming manhole outside Solid Gold Gentleman’s Club, the Allen Bradley clock tower and the always delicious Conjito’s serve as apt indicators of Walker’s Point presence to wide-eyed Northwoods hayseeds like myself. But in terms of Pizza Topography, Marchese’s Olive Pit is — bar none — the neighborhood’s highest point of elevation.

Since moving to to the area, people hyped the shit out of Marchese’s. It was like the Avatar of Milwaukee pizza places. Except, unlike Blue Pocahontas, I actually had remote interest in experiencing the Olive Pit (also available in 3D) first hand. Finally, after months of delay, myself, Ronnie and two of his friends paid a visit to this often-recommended Walker’s Point pizzeria. 

The restaurant seems to specialize is white and garlic sauce pizzas as well as pasta dishes. But not being total pussies, we opted for a classic “Red Sauce” pizza. Kind of being pussies though, we went with a “Doc’s Garden” veggie pizza.

THE GOOD: The thin crust pan pizza (which ran about $20) was massive. It took up most of the table and fed all four of us comfortably. Ronnie and I had to make a delectably painful second sweep just to finish it. I’ve gladly paid $5 plus tip for much less pizza in the past. Portions aside, this collection of fresh mushrooms, green peppers, onion, tomatoes and mozzarella was tasty as hell. 

They also have a fully stocked bar with a buttload of booze, domestic brew mainstays, an assortment of micro and craft beers and $2 Blatz every day. You know I had a Blatz, babies.

THE BAD: I’m a sauce-obsessed soul, so I found Marchese’s lumpy, sporadically placed, mozzarella stick marinara dip-like sauce to be a bit lacking. It was good, but I could have used a bit more. Also, the toppings (for being a veggie deluxe, of sorts) seemed a bit sparse too.

However, the portion load was evidently heavy enough on the crust to make the inside slices mega-flimsy and the outside slices almost too tough. It was a mindfreak. A riddle. You know that story with the car crash and the doctors, and it ends up that the doctor is the kid’s mom or whatever? The Doc’s Garden pizza was like the pizza version of that. Weird.

Plus, our beers took for fucking ever to get there. And it wasn’t even busy.

TRY: The large. All large pizzas are about $6 more than the mediums, and nearly twice the size. Also, Olive Pit has vegan and gluten-free options on hand too. I suppose some people might be interested in the vast White and Garlic sauce pizza offerings, but not me. I hath too much pride.

RATING: Anything but the pits.

Marchese's Olive Pit, Milwaukee, T. Mario