To be honest, I never would have tried Nick-N-Willy’s Pizza if I didn’t have a friend who worked there. Prior to his employment there, I probably drove past the mini-mall pizza partition on Appleton’s Calumet Street some 50 times, never aware or caring enough to investigate who these “Nick” -N- (a cool way of writing and pronouncing the word “and”) “Willy” characters were.
“Some assholes, probably,” I’d speculate while en route to Kohl’s or some better pizza place.
But while back in Appleton last week, I decided to pay a visit — my second in the past eight months — to both my buddy, and to Nick-N-Willy’s Pizza.
This Canadian-owned corporation (in the same way Gumby’s Pizza and Sinclair gas stations are corporations) apparently has 41 locations in the U.S., and six in The Badger State alone. Beyond that, Nick-N-Willy’s — an Indie in the pizza world — was fittingly an Official Provider of the 2010 Sundance Film Festival. A perfect pairing of pizza very few people have heard of and movies very few people have heard of.
The only other thing I know about Nick-N-Willy’s is that they make, serve and sell pizza with varying levels of edibility.
THE GOOD: If you check out the restaurant’s menu, you’ll find a lengthy and versatile listing of specialty ‘Za. The pizzas run the gamut of ingredients and sauce types. One even has mandarin oranges on it. Imagine, baby oranges on a pizza pie. Fuck me sideways! There are certainly more veggie options than many places we’ve previously reviewed. Plus, everything is fresh. I had fresh cut jalapenos on my veggie pizza during my last visit, and it made a world of difference.
Also, if you hate lines, this is the place for you. I ordered, waited for and ate my entire pizza in the time it took three customers to venture into the place. Ghost town. That said, the speed and quality of service was good — especially when accounting for their lack of actual encounters with customers.
THE BAD: No matter who you are, we can all agree that even sub-par pizza is still great food. I’m not saying N-N-W’s is bad, but it does lack identity. The few morsels of personality this sterile franchise does possess aren’t extremely flattering.
• The pizza sauce tastes like cheesy marinara sauce. I like marinara sauce… on pasta.
• They used cheddar cheese along with mozzarella. What the fuck? Cheddar? Is this Soviet Russia? In the theme of that shitty Russian comic Yakov Smirnoff, is every cheese-related thing at Nick-N-Willy’s the less appealing opposite of what it would be at a normal pizza place? I like cheddar as much as the next 85th weight percentile out there, but when it comes to pizza, keep it at mozzarella, feta, parmesan or goat. Hell, I might even prefer fromunda cheese (fromunda my nuts) over cheddar on my ‘Za.
• No matter if you dine in or carry out, you need to give a name and phone number. Hang on Missy… since 9/11 I’ve been living off the grid. I’ll be God damned if al Qaeda (or jury duty) tracks me down because I ate at a failing pizza franchise twice. Last I checked, it wasn’t Fort Knox-N-Willy’s; let’s just keep our Social Security cards in our pocket — at least until Focaccia Sandwiches come into play.
TRY: Anything with the “Olive Oil Glaze” instead of tomato sauce. I usually base a pizza’s quality on its sauce, but since Nick-N-Willy’s tomato sauce is akin to still-cold Lunchables pizza sauce, I opted for the glaze on my second time in. I found that it really allowed the flavor of the fresh and abundant vegetables to take center stage.
RATING: If Nick Lachey-N-Willie McGee collaborated on a charity softball game/soundtrack and the proceeds went towards making cheddar the official cheese for pizzas at independent film festivals.
