115 3rd Street South
La Crosse, WI 54601

(608) 782-7550

As much as Big Al’s in La Crosse is revered for the kind of thin-crust pizza that’s so good that your nuts ache for it, it is also known for its owner’s reputation as kind of being a dickhole. Having worked there for a couple of months, I feel confident that this is a misconception. Big Al definitely seemed like a surly sort of guy, with his penchant for growing radishes and extra bristly-looking moustache, but just look at my evidence to the contrary:

1. Big Al allowed his employees to maintain their street cred in the breathable comfort of cotton crewneck t-shirts, instead of forcing them to wear totally dickish and itchy polyester Polos.

2. I ran into Big Al once at this bar in La Crosse called the Arterial and he bought me a La Crosse Lager Light, which was really decent of him.

So I think it becomes clear that he is not a dickhole at all, but merely a shrewd businessman whose only crime is having a dickhole-like drive to create perfect pizzas. And boy oh boy, does he ever. Helping in this process are an array of rustic machines used to mix the dough, grind the meat, shred the cheese, and chop the vegetables right on the premises. So if it’s for-real, no-shit, old-tyme pizza you crave, you would be wise to stop at Big Al’s in downtown La Crosse. And if it’s not, then don’t.

Quick semi-related story: One time when I worked there, one of the male servers took a piss after filling the crushed red pepper without washing his hands first and it made his dick burn. Hilarity ensued!

The good: All the pizza is straightforward in its approach to deliciousness, but for something a little exotic (but not really, but still very good), order up the taco pizza. The meat is spiced up good and nice, the taco sauce mixed with pizza sauce technology is top notch, and it is absolutely fucking piled with lettuce, tomato, and crushed up tortilla chips.

The bad: Big Al’s is darker than the devil’s rectum. Seeing your own hands in front of your face can be tough, let alone finding the pizza on the table. If you’re dining party feels the need to get a half-this and half-that pizza, make sure you memorize where the toppings equator is, or else you might accidentally eat a slice with something dumb on it, like pineapple.

Try: A full array of greasy bar food is available from the kitchen, so feel free to get cheese curds or fries with your pizza, because whoever said that you have to eat garlic bread with pizza was a stupid pussy.

Rating: Better than Little Al’s, slightly better than Medium Al’s.

Big Al's, La Crosse